


Beyond the Miracle

by LiaoftheDawn



Series: Miracle series [2]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Adulthood, Doctor Midorima, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Near Future, Physical Disability, Romance, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-03-30 19:19:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3948553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiaoftheDawn/pseuds/LiaoftheDawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been five years since the accident, but there are some wounds that resist to heal. As Takao and Midorima struggle to move forward, they'll have to face what happened and come to terms with their long-lasting scars.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to "Show you a Miracle" and won't make much sense if you don't read that one first

Midorima woke up with a start. He'd had a really strange dream. He and Takao had an accident and he became paralyzed from the waist down. He sat up and folded his knees. A dream alright. He looked around and was surprised to see he was not in his bedroom, but in what appeared like a hospital. Had the accident really happened?

"Oh, Shintarou, you woke up! Thank god, we were so…"

"Mother? Where's Takao?" If the accident had been real, but the paralysis hadn't, then Takao should also be at the hospital, right?

His mother nearly jumped in her seat and the words seemed to get caught in her throat. "Oh dear…" she began, unable to look him in the eye.

There was something dreadful and terrifying about her stance that filled him with a sense of panic. He bolted out of the bed, ignoring his aching body and his mother's calls, and rushed down the hallway. He didn't know why he was so sure about it, but something inside him was driving him in this direction, as if Takao himself were calling him.

He finally reached a white room with Takao's name on the door. The inside was dark and he could hear faint sobs coming from the side of the bed. He immediately spotted Takao's mother and sister sitting by the bed, crying. His eyes immediately went to the bed and his knees gave in, making him collapse on the floor.

The crying women noticed his arrival and looked at him. "It's your fault! It's all your fault!" Takao's sister screamed through her tears, pointing at him accusingly. The mother then joined her with bloodshot eyes. "It should've been you! If it weren't for you, my Kazunari…"

Midorima could barely make out their words. His brain was fuzzy with confusion and his eyes had grown blurry with tears, but he couldn't take them off the bed and the raven-haired boy's body that lied on top of it, the face covered with a piece of white fabric, the skin pale, cold and stiff.

This couldn't be happening. It couldn't be. It had to be a nightmare. The worst, most terrifying nightmare.

He screamed.

* * *

Midorima woke up with a start. A mix of cold sweat and tears was trickling down his face. He tried to move his legs. He couldn't. He turned to one side, careful not to wake the sleeping man next to him. His legs didn't move. He was paralyzed. Takao was  _alive_.

He cried with joy.

It had been a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Show you a miracle" is probably one of the stories I feel the proudest about and I really wanted to expand that canon and take a look at their lives after what happened. Even though Miracle ends on a happy note and the two of them having "overcome" the tragedy they faced, I believe it's the sort of thing that leaves several scars that take long to heal, and that'll be the theme of this part. Because this chapter is super short I'll upload the next one tomorrow.
> 
> Thanks for reading guys, all comments appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

Takao cracked his neck and yawned. Today was his first day of work and he was already feeling too old for this, even though he was just 23. He didn't recall getting this tired when he was studying high school, rather than teaching in it.

It had been sort of a spontaneous thing. He'd never had any particular career plans and one of his old teachers had called him to tell him they were short a PE teacher, and that their basketball team could use an experienced coach. It didn't sound too difficult and it was also about time he started bringing money home instead of free-loading on Shin-chan's doctor-in-training salary.

So far so good. Making teenagers run around the field and make push-ups wasn't really challenging, but it'd made him realize he was a little bit out of shape compared to his high school time. Now it was time to go meet Shuutoku's basketball team. He'd heard dire news on that front. He wasn't sure on the details, but it seemed his former high school had lost its "King" status shortly after he and Shin-chan graduated and was now a relatively unknown team where basketball was concerned. It kind of pissed Takao off, especially after all the hard work they'd put in, even after Shin-chan's accident.

He took a deep breath and finally opened the doors to the basketball court, where his new trainees should be waiting for him.

The sight that met him almost broke his heart. The court was unpolished and covered in dirt, the baskets were barely hanging there, the nets long gone. All of the balls were without air except for two or three. What did they expect him to achieve here? The one with the miracles was Shin-chan, not him.

A boy approached him, probably a first year. He was really tall, maybe about Shin-chan's height back then, but his legs and arms looked weak.

"You're Takao-sensei, right? You're going to be coaching us? I'm Aomori Hiromu, pleased to make your acquaintance."

At least he was polite. "Okay Aomori-kun, do we have enough members to hold a practice game?"

"Yeah, I guess so. But aren't we going to warm up or something first? Should I call the captain?"

Takao held up his hand to keep him from talking anymore. "That won't be necessary. I want to watch how you guys play before making any decisions. Just assemble everyone please." Maybe they should make some warm-up exercises, but he was too depressed about the state of the court to think properly about it. This was the place where all his brightest memories of high school had taken place, and it crushed his heart to see it in such abandon.

Aomori called all the club members and they lined up to introduce themselves to Takao. Most of them seemed to be terribly out of shape, although one of them who claimed to be a Point Guard showed some promise. Takao instructed them to form two teams and play a practice 10-minute game.

Tip-off, game start, teenagers running. And Takao wanted to cry.

* * *

"I'm home" Midorima called as was usual.

" _Okaeri_ " Takao replied.

The young doctor found his lover sprawled on the coach watching one of his old basketball DVDs, his face completely dispirited. Midorima left the wheelchair in the genkan, crawled all the way to the living room and climbed on the couch next to Takao.

"Are you alright? I thought you were starting work today, did something go wrong?" he asked, slightly concerned. He'd expected Takao would be elated to go back to Shuutoku High and coach the basketball team. He'd seemed fairly excited when the offer first came by. Midorima had been happy for him too. Takao had been uncertain about his future since they graduated high school. He'd half-heartedly gotten a college degree in Sports Education, but he'd mostly spent the past few years switching from one part-time job to another, unable to find anything he liked.

Takao looked up at him with teary eyers."Shin-chaaaaaan!" he wailed, hugging his waist and burying his face in his stomach. "It's hopeless"

He looked down at Takao quizzically and ruffled his raven hair on instinct. "What's hopeless? Did you anger the other teachers or something?"

He shook his head. "That basketball team is hopeless. I don't think I'll ever find a way to make them work."

Midorima smiled at the love of his life and pulled his face upwards by the chin. "How can you give up so easily? You managed to make  _me_  shoot a full-court three-pointer, I can't imagine a bunch of kids can be such a challenge."

Instead of encouraging him, though, the statement only seemed to depress Takao further. "That was more you being a fucking prodigy than me having anything to do with it." He mumbled, once again hiding his face.

Midorima frowned. No matter what he tried, Takao seemed incapable of realizing just how instrumental he'd been for his recovery after the accident, and it frustrated him to no end.

"Kazunari, you listen to me right now." He began, this time grabbing his lover's head with both hands and forcing him into a sitting position, where he could stare straight at his clear eyes. "I would've never even taken that shot if you hadn't been there. I wish I could get that through your thick skull. Now stop pitying yourself. The school and those kids trust you and there's no one in the world better fit for the job than you."

Takao smiled meekly. "Shin-chan's always going out of his way to make me feel better. Sorry. You're right. I'm going to make a King out of Shuutoku again, just you wait." He announced, feeling a little bit more optimistic. He stood up with a look of determination on his face. "I really love you a lot, Shin-chan." He added, the dismay completely blown off his face and replaced with an ear-to-ear grin.

He bent over to kiss Midorima on the cheek and then pranced his way to the kitchen to make dinner. The green-haired doctor was glad that Takao was so easy to please, it always affected  _his_  mood to see his lover brooding, and most importantly, he really hoped this coaching job would help Takao find his own path. As much as it contented him to know his lover would always be home waiting for him when he got out of work, he also knew his lack of perspectives for the future was slowly eating at him, and it would be great if this turned out to be the kind of job that Takao could enjoy and even look upon in a more permanent manner. And there was also a part of him that really wanted to see their old high school basketball team picking up and going back to being the powerhouse it used to.

"Hey, Shin-chan, did I tell you…" Takao asked playfully as he came back to the living room with a pair of food trays, obviously with the intention of eating while watching the TV and cuddling together. "that I really,  _really_  love you?"

Midorima smiled. "First time I hear about it."

* * *

"I'm home."

It was four in the morning and he'd just come back from a 32-hour shift, completely exhausted. He felt ready to drop dead any minute (preferably, in the near vicinity of some clingy, whiny, obnoxious man who happened to be the love of his life). He'd never get used to being away from home for such a long time. And he wished he could be surprised at finding Takao sleeping in front of the TV –which was still running some old basketball DVD- and hugging a pillow. He knew these long shifts were hard on Takao too. Ever since they moved in together, Takao would always try to wait for him to come back home, and most of the times ended passing out in the living room.

The ex-Point guard's eyes fluttered open and sparked upon noticing Midorima's return.

"Shin-chan!" he cried, running to hug the taller man with teary eyes. "I give up, I can't do this anymore."

Midorima cocked his head in confusion, but hugged the shorter man back, in spite of the extremely awkward position, what with the wheelchair and everything.

"You can't… what exactly?" he was having troubles forming coherent sentences, and he just wanted to go back to their bedroom and pass out in Takao's arms, even if his lover would have to get up in three hours for work.

"The basketball team" Kazunari wailed miserably. "It's hopeless. The In-High preliminaries are right around the corner, we're never gonna make it."

The former shooter sighed. Takao had not failed to complain about the apparently unsustainable state of Shuutoku's basketball team every day for the past week. He knew that, just like him, Takao wanted to see Shuutoku crowned "King" once again, but he just couldn't seem to find the right way to go about it.

"Are they really  _that_  bad?" Takao was not only a very skilled basketball player, but his Hawk Eye had always given him a great advantage when it came to devising playing strategies. He had been a terrific Point Guard back in the day, and by the time they'd graduated he'd become recognized as one of the most gifted players of their generation. In their last year, and in spite of Midorima's untimely retirement from high school basketball, he'd taken Shuutoku to triumph over the young powerhouse of Seirin in the Winter Cup. Midorima still remembered how Takao ran to meet him with the trophy in hand. ' _I… I wanted us to hold it together_." He'd said, almost apologetically, before breaking into tears while the stadium exploded with cheers for " _Shuutoku! Shuutoku!"_

"It's not like they're bad… Of course they're not you, but some of them could be pretty strong if they polished their abilities. They're just not motivated. It's like they don't care. I heard the team was eliminated in the first round last year, and so their spirits are completely crushed. I don't know how to make them excited about basketball again."

Midorima, who was still sitting on the wheelchair, ran his fingers through Takao's raven locks; his head now lying on his lap after the shorter man kneeled down in front of him. It was still hard to believe that the man who had been Midorima's rock through rehabilitation, and probably the only reason he'd come to terms with his new disability, had trouble making a handful of kids enjoy basketball. Maybe Takao was lacking the right motivation too.

"I have today off. Maybe I could drop by the gym and lend you a hand?" he offered tentatively. If he could see these kids first hand, maybe he'd see something Takao was missing and figure out a way to help him with the problem.

"I could never ask you to do that, you should rest. I bet you haven't slept since Tuesday. And you don't get that many days off either. I don't want you to get sick." Takao sighed, picking himself up from the ground. "I'm sorry I'm bothering you with my petty troubles when you're so exhausted. I'm sure you have it even harder than me at work, and yet I'm the one who's always complaining. C'mon, let's go to bed. Maybe if I cuddle with Shin-chan a little I'll be able to think of something." He grinned, and started heading for the bedroom, with Midorima following close behind.

"I'm still coming to watch your team though." He commented as they both climbed on the bed. Midorima tossed his pants and shirt to the ground, too tired to bother changing into his pajamas, thus settling for just boxers. "Like you said, I don't get days off often, and when I do, I want to spend them with you." He smiled upon seeing the faint blush that spread on Takao's cheeks. "If I sleep now, I should be fully rested by the time club practice starts anyway." He added, as Takao curled into him and their legs intertwined as naturally as if they'd been doing it since birth.

The Hawk Eye didn't say anything else; he just nodded and draped a possessive arm across Midorima's chest, his head perfectly fitting in the crook of his lover's neck.

He couldn't say he disliked how his life had turned out. Perhaps the loss of his legs had given him a new perspective of what was really important. So what if he had 32 hour shifts that left him utterly destroyed? So long as he could be like this with the man he loved, he wouldn't care if the world was crumbling around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as promised, because the first chapter is super short, I'm putting up this one right away.
> 
> So I just wanted to make a clarification about Shin-chan's specific type of paralysis, because I did some basic research on this. After poking around on the internet for a while I found that a spinal injury somewhere between the T-11 to L-2 vertebrae is closest to what I picture Shin-chan would be going through. Basically he has a lot of independence, the upper part of the body is completely functional and most of the sensorial work below the waist can be regained through therapy, basic foot and knee mobility should be possible too, so he'd be able to move around short distances while squatting with relative liberty. Also, because I have my head way down the gutter, I found that people with T-11 to L-2 injuries can generally have an active sex life, so yay?
> 
> Keep in mind that my knowledge of medicine is very basic (as in google-search level basic), so I will shove medical bullshittery here and there all over this story. I do have a cousin who's been paralyzed from the waist down over most of his life and he lived with us for a while, so I have a very clear idea of how Midorima's life post-accident would work on the practical level, it's just difficult to describe it D':
> 
> Thanks for reading, sorry for the humongous notes. All comments appreciated, I hope you enjoy it


	3. Chapter 3

Takao sighed for the umpteenth time that day. It was disheartening to see these guys  _not trying at all_. He'd almost felt compelled to suggest they change clubs since they clearly didn't give a damn about basketball, but the part of him that had been Shuutoku's captain the last time the school ever won the Winter Cup, in spite of how broken the team's morale had been after they lost their ace, still wanted to believe there was something to be done with this team of unmotivated teenagers. Wasn't "Persistent and Tireless" Shuutoku's motto? He couldn't give up on this.

For a moment, he wondered if it wouldn't be a good idea to ask for Shin-chan's help on this after all. Maybe he'd see something that was escaping Takao's Hawk eye (it happened from time to time); but he discarded the idea immediately. Shin-chan had positively passed out the moment he laid on their bed, and had barely mumbled some incoherent words that were probably meant to be a "have a nice day" when Takao had left their room for work. It was his first day off in three weeks, and he'd been having plenty of those 30-plus-hour shifts recently; he deserved some rest.

As if on cue, he felt his cellphone vibrate and Shin-chan's name appeared on the screen. The message was short and concise.

 _I'm outside the gym_.

Takao frowned. Shin-chan could be too stubborn sometimes. He sighed in defeat. He'd let him have his way now, but he was  _so_  going to make that workaholic giant relax for real (a massage, maybe?) when they got back home.

He blew his whistle to draw the players' attention. He'd had them running laps and practicing the basics –dribbling, passing, shooting-. He knew they were frustrated. After all, Takao had become some sort of legend after their victory all those years ago, and many had high expectation on the results he'd produce, but they didn't seem to be making any progress at all. Takao knew that wasn't really the case; they had had some minor improvement in their basic movements and techniques, but their lack of motivation was obviously holding them down.

"OK guys, we'll take a short break. I asked a friend of mine to come pay us a visit and maybe give us some words of advice. Please take this opportunity to learn as much as you can."

As he walked to open the door for Shin-chan he realized that this could be a good chance to motivate these kids, if his lover would agree to it.

"Thanks for coming, Shin-chan, I'm sorry that you're wasting your day off like this." He noticed the taller man hadn't brought his usual wheelchair, but one with softer wheels that would move more swiftly and wouldn't damage the basketball court's floor. Maybe Shin-chan had been thinking the same thing as he was. "How confident are you feeling about your shots today?"

Midorima quirked an eyebrow and Takao could see the ghost of a smirk. That was all the answer he needed.

"Hey guys? This is Midorima Shintarou; we were classmates and teammates when we studied here in Shuutoku High. He was Shuutoku's ace and won the prize for 'Best High School Shooting Guard' three years in a row. Thanks for taking time off your busy schedule to help us."

Midorima rolled his eyes, but didn't comment of Takao's somehow awkward business-like introduction, probably because he too thought there was no need to bring up any specific details about their relationship.

Takao noticed that most of the students were looking at him with confusion. It was to be expected, the age gap was enough for the Generation of Miracles to have become almost forgotten, with the exception of some random anecdote. The fact that the wheelchair made Midorima's overwhelming height non-existent probably made him look less awe-inducing as he'd once been. Didn't matter, he'd induce some awe later, Takao knew for sure.

"Oh!" one of the third years exclaimed, with eyes wide like saucers. "You mean the Midorima from that… Club of Miracles was it? I remember hearing about them from my senpais in middle school. I actually wanted to join Touou High because there was this one guy with incredible shots, I saw him once on TV, but I didn't pass the entrance exam."

Takao had a passing thought about the academic prowess of this guy if he was unable to enter a school that had taken Aomine Daiki, but he let it go, pleased that at least someone knew about Shin-chan's awesomeness.

"Your coach told me you guys had a rough tournament last year, but this should not be a reason to be discouraged. He's asked me to help him find which are the areas that need improvement, and what would be the best way to have you focus on them." Midorima crossed his arms over his chest. "I had originally thought of watching you guys play, but I think I'll get a better idea if we stand on the same field." He rolled the wheelchair to the center of the court. "I thought we could do one-on-one's and see how many of you could pass me and score a basket."

The captain, a third year called Hyougo Kasai, scoffed. "Is this a joke, coach? He may've been some amazing player in the past, but there's no way we can play him seriously as he is." He obviously pointed his eyes at the wheelchair.

Takao frowned.  _Yeah, you go and underestimate Shin-chan, see how well that works._  This wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind, but if Shin-chan felt up to it, he had no complaints. Shin-chan would definitely be a great example for this team; in spite of everything that happened he never gave up, and could still play on par with the other Generation of Miracles' players.

"If you feel you can do it, Hyougo-san, then please by all means. I promise that whoever scores a basket in this exercise will automatically get a starting position in the team. Everyone gets only one chance. And I strongly suggest you go at it as seriously as you can. Underestimating your opponent is not only rude, but extremely dangerous."

Hyougo tch'ed and grabbed a basketball, a deep scowl drawn on his face. He dribbled the ball from the opposite corner, very obviously attempting to just dodge Midorima by running far away from the center where he was waiting. He passed the half court with a confident grin in his face and Takao shook his head disapprovingly. He wasn't taking this seriously.

 _Too slow_.

Before Hyougo knew what was happening, Shin-chan had pushed the chair in reverse and cut his path, and from then, intercepting the ball had been but children's play.

"Next!"

* * *

Sixteen teenagers later, Shin-chan had yet to break a sweat, and it goes without saying that no one had earned the automatic starting position. Only one kid was left, a second year called Tottori Iwato, and the one Takao thought had more promise out of the entire team. He took the basketball and entered the court. Unlike all the others, he didn't try to go for the sidelines to avoid Shin-chan's defense, but instead went straight for the center and stopped right in front of the doctor. Oh, this was interesting.

Midorima lunged forward, trying to swipe the ball away, but Tottori dodged and turned, effectively passing Shin-chan and opening the path to the basket. Takao was surprised. He was a lot better than he'd anticipated. He grabbed the ball and flexed his legs to take the shot, but he was intercepted by Midorima's long arms that had materialized in front of him in a blink, and took the ball away from him. Shin-chan didn't stop there, though, and he pushed himself a little bit backwards to face the opposite basket. Takao grinned.

_Aah, he's gonna do it after all._

He felt great satisfaction and just a tinge of pride when he heard the students gasp at the perfect arch of the ball, and the clean, beautiful sound it made as it flew straight down the net on the opposite side of the court. Shin-chan was such a show-off.

* * *

A week had passed and Takao was surprised by how quickly their training sessions had improved after Shin-chan's visit. Since that day, the team seemed to have made bigger progress than in the previous month. Shin-chan's show-off had worked so well he could hardly believe it. Heck, at this rate, the team may actually get a chance at the Inter-High preliminaries. He was no fool, he knew it would take a miracle for the current Shuutoku to aim for the first place in the summer tournament, but if they kept up the training as they'd been doing for the past week, they might actually make a good enough performance to be chosen as Tokyo representatives for the Winter Cup, for which they would definitely be a lot more prepared.

That didn't mean he wouldn't do his best to take Shuutoku all the way to the finals, but he knew it was an extremely long shot given the state the team had been in just five weeks ago.

He trotted to the gym, looking forward to the practice in a way he hadn't since he'd graduated high school. The team had felt spirited enough to clean the court, it almost looked as shiny and beautiful as when Takao had first stepped on it, all those years ago. He was pulled out of his reverie of optimism when he realized none of the students were in the court. His eyebrows furrowed. Why was everyone late?

Frowning, he made his way to the locker rooms to see if the team had gotten distracted with something. Back in the day it hadn't been unusual for some guys to waste practice time fooling around in the locker room (Takao's 'fooling around' with Shin-chan sometimes turned R-rated when no one was around), but he'd never heard of the entire team just disappearing altogether.

Takao was surprised to find that, indeed, all of the team was gathered in the locker room, all of them in a tight circle looking at something and gasping in awe from time to time. He sighed. Never underestimate teenagers and their passion for gravure magazines.

"What exactly do you guys think you're doing?" he asked a little exasperated. Did they really think they had time to waste on printed naked women with the Inter High just around the corner? He was so going to beat some sense into these teenagers and make them run 20 extra laps.

Some of the first years yelped upon hearing his voice. "Oh, it's you, coach! We were waiting for you, Toyama-senpai brought this magazine about Midorima-san's Gang of Miracles and we were just looking at it." One of the second years who was  _so_  not making the starters beamed, showing him a copy of Monthly High School Basketball which featured a special titled "The legendary Generation of Miracles, where are they now?".

_Now that I think about it, Shin-chan did mention some interviews._

Takao flipped through the magazine, not paying much attention since he knew where all those guys were anyway –Shin-chan still met them from time to time to play basketball- and stopped in the page that featured the green-haired shooter. As expected, the interviewer had asked about the accident and lamented how it had trumped Midorima's would-be professional basketball career, to which he had replied that he'd never intended to go pro anyway and that he was still able to play as a hobby, the same he'd been saying to every interviewer since he first came out of rehabilitation. Takao knew Shin-chan wasn't lying, he'd always made it clear that he wanted to go to medical school and even before getting hit by a truck, he'd insisted that he had no intention to continue with high profile basketball practices. Still, he couldn't help the pang of guilt when reminded of everything Shin-chan had lost because of him. No matter how often Midorima said it wasn't his fault, Takao couldn't stop thinking that if only he hadn't insisted on making Shin-chan ride the bicycle, everything would be different now.

"Hey coach, there's some nasty rumor flying around…" Hyougo, the team captain began, and the wicked look on his eyes gave Takao a bad feeling about where this conversation was headed. "that it was your fault that the prodigious Midorima-san had to retire from the team, I wonder if that's true? I wouldn't blame you, coach, you're pretty strong, but I'm sure no one appreciated your efforts for the team and Mr. Miracle was always the one taking all the glory… He seems like a piece of work, I'm sure if I had to spend every day with a guy like that, I'd want to push him in front of a truck too…"

Takao's breath got caught in his throat. Was that what people thought of him? That he, who had loved nothing more than watching Midorima Shintarou's powerful and magnificent basketball, had wanted to destroy it? That he, who'd dreamed of passing the ball to Shin-chan and win the Winter Cup with one of his beautiful three-pointers, had pushed him out of the court?

He bit his lip and tightened his fist as the kid kept yapping stuff Takao didn't care about anymore. This was pathetic. Was he really going to let some pubescent idiot rile him up? Shin-chan would be so disappointed if he saw him now.

"Are you done now?" he interrupted, crossing his arms above his chest. "Exactly what do you presume to achieve, brat? A kid with the lowest overall efficiency of the team has no right to be running his mouth about other people's business. You're suspended from club activities until I decide otherwise. Now clear off, I don't want to see you in this gym anymore."

Hyougo was obviously not expecting that, and he stood frozen in place trying to process what had just happened. Takao realized a bit too late that maybe he had gone too far just to punish a wannabe-thug adolescent, but he couldn't back down now. He really didn't know why this kid had started to antagonize him so much in recent days, but maybe some cool-off period would do him some good and maybe even help refocus on why he was in the basketball club to begin with. After a few seconds of tense silence, the third year left the room fuming and everyone else seemed to remember they had something else to do and went back to the gym.

Takao let out a sigh of relief, although he knew the problem was far from solved. Hyougo may not be a stellar player –he was definitely not making the starters if Shuutoku wanted a chance at the Inter-High- but there was a reason he had been appointed captain. The athletic prowess he lacked was compensated by his quick mind when it came to coming up with strategies, and more than anything, the rest of the team trusted him. He would need to clear out this problem with the kid; if he could get his trust he could become a valuable asset, even from the bench. But he didn't really have the mind to sort through some troubled teen's anger-management issues. As much as he hated to admit it, Hyougo's accusations had managed to hit a deep chord inside him and he was having trouble regaining his breathe.

He wasn't sure of when he'd started walking, and too late did he realize he had long ago left the gym and allowed his feet to carry him on their own. For how long had he been walking? He had to get back, club practice wasn't over yet.

That was until he realized exactly where his feet had brought him to. He hadn't been in this place for five years. He'd planned to never come back here again. He knew it would bring painful memories back: the noise, the screams, the smell of burning wood, the pain, the beeping of the machines in the hospital, Shin-chan's tears, a distant cry for help, his own voice pleading "C'mon Shin-chan, just this once, I've been doing it for three years!" and he felt tears well-up at the corners of his eyes.

Back then, someone had suggested he attend counseling to help him go over the trauma of the accident. But Shin-chan was so messed up, rehabilitation was going awful, and it was his entire fault, how could he waste time being worried about his own traumas when Shin-chan needed him so much? Months turned into years and he ended up never getting any counseling and thinking that was for the better. He deserved a little pain for what he had done.

If he looked straight at that corner, he could still see it, clear as day: the white delivery truck speeding past the red light, not caring if there was a bicycle in the middle of the road, or that the most beautiful person in the world was riding it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Angst and drama, why can't I write a simple story about simple gay boys being happy and in love OTL (because as proved by this chapter, I can't write an action scene to save my life, that's why).
> 
> Probably no one cares to know, but the kids in Shuutoku are all named after the prefectures in Japan because I suck at coming up with names. Also, my original draft included one of the kids having a crush on Takao and Shin-chan noticing and giving him a full "THIS IS MY MAN" kiss in front of everyone, but I scrapped it because Shin-chan wouldn't do that.
> 
> Anyway, if anyone's reading this thanks for bearing with my pathological need of angst. Thanks for everyone who's left kudos and stuff. I'd appreciate any comments and opinions <3


	4. Chapter 4

"Midorima-kun, someone's asking for you."

The young doctor finished wrapping up bandages around his patient's wrist. Today he was assigned to the ER and it was completely exhausting. Just in the last three hours he'd had everything from a child accidentally drinking cleaning products to a massive car crash of which one of the patients had been beyond saving by the time he was brought in and the other two were in critical condition. He looked up and saw one of the resident doctors giving him a meaningful look.

"A high-schooler's in the reception saying he needs to talk to you, says it's important." And she wiggled her pinky finger adamantly.

He asked her to look after the patient and left the room, a light blush on his cheeks. Not many of his colleagues knew about his relationship with Takao, but Dr. Ienaga had figured it out since the first time his lover had come to visit him at the hospital and had been very understanding and supporting ever since, for which he was extremely grateful.

He made his way to the reception, wondering what would bring a high-schooler to meet him. How did they even know where to find him? Had something happened to Takao? An all too familiar pang of worry, bordering on panic took over him and he hurried down the hallway without noticing it.

The kid waiting for him was clearly one of the basketball club members from Shuutoku. He was alone, which gave him some peace of mind. Midorima was Takao's emergency contact, if something had happened the school would've contacted him directly instead of sending one of the kids to search for him.

"You were looking for me." He stated plainly, hoping to get this over with quickly.

The teenager flinched. He seemed to be struggling for words and couldn't even meet Midorima's eye. Good grief. "Did something happen with Takao?"

"Uhm… well it might be… I mean, it could be nothing and maybe I'm just wasting your time but… there was a fight about… M-Midorima-san's a-a-accident and Takao-sensei got really u-upset and… h-he sort of d-disappeared."

_Shit._

* * *

His whole body shivered as yet another car ran by. He wanted to leave this place that caused him so much pain, but his legs wouldn't move, and he was left frozen there, curled into himself on the side of the road, on the verge of a panic attack every time he heard the noise of an engine, the sound of tires, or a car's honk. He usually had no problem with cars (heck, Shin-chan owned a small van because it made traveling in a wheelchair a lot easier), so it was clearly the location that was triggering all this terrible feelings of guilt, impotence and fear. Maybe he should've gone to counseling when his parents suggested it.

"What the hell am I even doing here?" he wondered out loud, hugging himself, hoping to repel all the nasty emotions that kept haunting him.

"How curious. I was wondering the exact same thing."

Takao flinched and his eyes got watery again. "Shin-chan!"

Midorima was looking down at him from the wheelchair, a mix of concern and frustration in his emerald eyes. He climbed down to sit next to Takao on the edge of the sidewalk and scooted closer until their shoulders were brushing against each other.

"Seriously, what  _are_  you doing here? One of your students came to see me in a panic because you disappeared in the middle of practice." He sighed and fixed his gaze to the ground. "I got  _scared_ , damn it… he said…" he hesitated. He wasn't sure if he wanted to open that can of worms, but he knew it was necessary. "…he said you had an argument with some other kid about the accident." He turned silent afterwards, letting his words sink in and allowing Takao some time to organize his thoughts.

Midorima knew that, although his physical injuries had healed in a few months, Takao still carried some emotional scars from that accident five years ago. He also knew his lover was still blaming himself for it, some times more than others, and whenever he noticed Takao being excessively complacent he knew that he'd been beating himself about it again. He had hoped the shorter man would sort through it on his own; that Midorima's small and indirect daily displays of affection would reassure his lover that he didn't blame him or resent him at all and had no reasons to do so. But Takao's gloom over the subject only seemed to grow with time and he'd decided he couldn't just dance around the issue any longer. He'd have to confront the problem headfirst, make Takao let out all of his fears and insecurities about the subject and share his own, and hopefully, they'd finally be able to get over that stupid accident that had been slowly and almost unnoticeably damaging their relationship for years.

He finally looked up to see if Takao was going to talk, but he seemed deep in thought and his shoulders were shaking. Midorima extended his arm to reach one of Takao's hands and hold it in his.

"Kazunari." He whispered softly. "Talk to me. Tell me what's going on. We need to find a way through this. We can't let something like this keep eating at us any longer. Please. We'll figure it out somehow… together. Like we did back then."

Takao ground his teeth hoping to will the tears away, but it clearly wasn't working.

"I just… I… I can't help it! Every time I think of that day, all I can think is that if I hadn't been so stubborn, none of this would have happened!" he sobbed, hiding his face from view. "I know you always tell me not to blame myself, but I can't help it! And now there's even this rumor that I… that I d-did it on p-p-purpose… I couldn't…" he was sniffling loudly now. "I loved how you played basketball… I loved watching you play… I loved playing with you, knowing you trusted me to get the ball back to you no matter what… How can they think that I wanted it to end like that?"

Midorima leaned his forehead on Takao's shoulder, letting the warmth of his breathing touch the other man's skin. "They don't know you like I do." He let out a soft sigh. "I have never, not even once, thought you were guilty for that day. Things happen. Please stop hurting yourself for this."

Takao snapped his head upwards to look at Midorima in the eye, his clear eyes already red and puffy from crying. "You're just saying it to make me feel better. It's because Shin-chan is too kind, it's a given you wouldn't put the blame on me. But no matter how I look at it, if I just… if I hadn't insisted on making you ride the bike… You lost so much, and it's all my fault and I…"

"How can you say I lost anything? You have no clue of what you're talking about whatsoever!" He was angry. Why couldn't Takao see it? Why couldn't he understand something so important? He pulled away from his lover and hid his face in his hands, trying to will the nightmarish images out of his head.

"You don't get it at all…I… I never told you before… about what happened that day."

Takao looked at him again, confusion written all over his face. "What is there to tell? I was there, I know what happened, I-"

Shin-chan shook his head violently to cut him off, still staring at the ground. He didn't want to remember; he'd tried so hard to get rid of those memories that served no other purpose than torturing his mind. But he had to come clean now. It was unfair that he demanded Takao to speak up while keeping his own fears a secret. Takao needed to know.

"That day, after the crash… I was awake the whole time." The memories started flooding his vision. The sound of sirens. The blinding pain. Takao in a pool of blood. Takao was hurt and he couldn't move. He couldn't reach him. Takao.

"I… when the ambulance arrived I…" his own voice rang in his ears ' _take Takao! I'm alright, just please save him! He's bleeding! Please, please, please! Someone save him please!_ ' and he was so desperate he didn't feel the pain anymore. "I don't remember much to be honest." He was panicking, struggling to get to where his boyfriend was, screaming, crying, flailing and just not letting them help him at all, so they'd had to sedate him. But how was he supposed to react after seeing  _that_?

"But I remember… right before they got you inside the ambulance you… you… you…" the voices of the paramedics screaming  _"He's fibrillating! Get me the paddles!"_ the tears had begun trickling down his cheeks. "Don't you get it? Your heart almost stopped!  _I thought you were dying!_  Do you think… do you really think I care about my legs when I could've lost you?!" He choked as he remembered Takao's body convulsing with the electric shocks that tried to put his heart back in motion.

Takao gasped in shock. Had he really had such a close encounter with Death? No one ever told him any of it. He knew he'd been out cold for ten days, but he was released shortly after waking up because his injuries weren't really severe. As far as he'd been told, he'd gotten off with little more than a slight concussion. A near-death experience? No way.

"It's the truth. You recovered quickly so the doctors thought there was no need to tell you. They said although your injuries weren't that bad, your body had a very strong reaction to the trauma and it caused it to shut down for half a minute. But I was so scared. They wouldn't tell me what had happened to you. They didn't say anything or let me see you. I was terrified!"

He had few memories of their first night at the hospital, but they were as clear as if they had happened yesterday. How he woke up demanding to know about Takao and the doctors refused to reply. It wasn't until he tried to get up to look for him that he realized his legs weren't working and he fell into panic again, screaming, half in shock because his legs weren't moving at all, and half hysterical because he _needed_  to see Takao right now. He had spent the next 30 hours going in and out of sedatives because the doctors found no other way to keep him from crawling out of the room in frenzy. And when he finally settled down, all they'd tell him was that Takao was unconscious and unstable, his vitals were weak and he may not wake up at all.

"I've had… I've had nightmares since that day. From time to time…" he really didn't want to bring this up. But he was tired of secrets, tired of watching Takao keep all his pain to himself, and if he hoped to persuade him to open up, the least he could do was to be completely honest himself, even if it didn't feel like such a good idea in the short-term. "They're… I wake up in the hospital and…" as the words kept coming out, a tighter and tighter knot started to form in his throat and the images from the nightmare blurred his vision. He choked and tears spilled uncontrollably out of his eyes again. "Sometimes I wonder which one is reality and which one is the dream. I'm scared! Every time I wake up, I'm scared my legs will move and you won't be by my side! What's the point of walking if I lose you? Why can't you understand this? If my two legs are the price for your life, I'll pay it a thousand times over!" he pulled Takao into a tight embrace and buried his face in his lover's shoulder, panting, trying to get his breath back, letting the warmth seep through his skin, reminding himself that this was the real world, that the man he loved was in his arms where he belonged and everything else was just a horrible nightmare.

Takao lost his breath. It felt stupid now, but it'd never occurred to him that Shin-chan had been carrying such a heavy burden up until now. Of course it made sense. Even when he was still in the hospital, Shin-chan had tried to act strong and cool about his paralysis so his family wouldn't get worried. His arms moved tentatively to surround the young doctor's shoulders, and Takao felt them shaking. He bit his lip in frustration. He'd gone back to do the exact same thing he'd promised not to: wallow in guilt and self-pity and make Shin-chan worry about him, when he'd vowed to become Shin-chan's support.

"I'm sorry, Shin-chan. I'm so sorry."

Midorima pulled back from the embrace and cupped Takao's face in his hands, locking their eyes in a deadly serious gaze.

"I want you to listen to me now. You are going to stop apologizing for this. And you are going to forgive yourself too. This has gone too far for both of us." He stroked Takao's cheeks with his thumbs and smiled meekly. "I know you love me, and that you don't want to see me hurt. But I wish you were more aware of just how much  _I_  love you, of how important you are to me. I don't want you to keep hurting yourself like this anymore. Just like you, I don't want to see the person I love being hurt. Please stop hurting the person I love."

Kazunari felt the familiar warmth of Midorima's lips on his, and his mind went blank. It was sweet and tender, the kind of romantic kiss that made him swoon. Takao could feel Shin-chan pouring all of his love into the kiss in the way he caressed his cheeks, and how he licked his lips, begging for entrance, how he deepened the kiss and how their tongues entwined, not in a juvenile struggle for dominance, but in a loving dance of mutual understanding. He could almost hear Shin-chan's thoughts echoing in his heart.  _I love you. I need you. I don't want to lose you. I love you. I love you. I love you._

"I love you."

Midorima had learned something that day. Before the accident, he had always taken Takao for granted. Since they became friends and even after they started dating, he'd always been mean and ungrateful in spite of everything Takao did for him. Everyone always complained about how he was arrogant and pedantic and they were right. He was also too proud to be completely open and honest about his feelings. Unlike Takao, who had no qualms in expressing his love in any imaginable way, Midorima rarely voiced his feelings or made any particular display of affection. Even though they had been dating for almost two years at the time, he was pretty sure he could count the times he'd said "I love you" before the accident with his taped fingers only.

That day he had seen Takao standing at Death's door and felt the world crash down on him. As the days went by without the shorter boy waking up, Midorima had started going over every minute they had spent together, every word they had said, every time they had kissed, every moment their eyes had locked. He'd started realizing just how often he would dismiss Takao's affection with proud rebuffs, how many times he'd pulled back from a kiss or a hug out of embarrassment, how he'd respond 'shut up, stupid' every time Takao said 'I love you'.

_What was it that I told him right before the crash?_

" _Shut up Takao, you're annoying."_

_When was the last time I told him I love him?_

_Does he even_ know _that I love him?_

It was as if a switch had been flipped inside him. He realized he'd been doing it all wrong and now Takao may never know how important he was for him. It was commonly said that people don't change, but Midorima decided to do a full one-eighty where their relationship was concerned. Takao had given him so much, it was about time he started giving something back, and he'd promised himself he'd do anything to make sure Takao knew how much he loved him. And he'd kept to that promise until today.

Takao was having a hard time catching back his breathe. The last minutes seemed like a rush of emotions gone wild and he suddenly felt exhausted from all of it. The fact that Shin-chan's kisses always seemed quite effective in shutting his brain down wasn't helping at all. His face grew hot as he stared at his lover's determined eyes and saw the raw sincerity in them. Shin-chan loved him, and that realization made it hard to even remember why he'd been so afraid and insecure. If Shin-chan could forgive him, why did he feel entitled to keep blaming himself? How could he have doubted that Shin-chan loved him so sincerely? What others thought about him wasn't important. If Shin-chan loved him… If Shin-chan forgave him, that was all that mattered to him.

"That's just unfair, Shin-chan. You know when you kiss me like that all I have left is complete surrender." He smiled, his eyes still stinging from all the crying, and he leaned forward to press his forehead against Midorima's, rubbing their noses together and feeling the all too familiar tickling from his lover's beautiful, long eyelashes.

"Then do it. Surrender yourself to me."

"Kiss me again and we've got a deal."

Midorima didn't need to be told twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, three thousand words worth of melodrama. I think my biggest problem is that I adore this kind of over-the-top dramatic and emotionally intense climaxes, but then I don't know how to pull the characters down from the emotional high to find a solution to the conflict, so I always feel it ends up being rushed or not as satisfactory as it should be. But I'll let you guys judge that.
> 
> ANYWAY. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the story overall. Thanks for reading, all comments and kudos make me happy


	5. Epilogue

"Alright everyone, gather around please!" Takao blew the whistle and waited for the kids to process what he was ordering. Their looks of surprise at seeing him there after disappearing yesterday did not escape his Hawk Eye. "I've made my decisions on the starting lineup, I'm sure everyone's interested in hearing about it."

It was almost amazing how the whole team popped up around him like moths drawn by a flame in a matter of seconds. It just made it harder to tell at least half of those kids that they had very slim chances of ever getting out on games. He reached inside his pocket for the list of names and positions they'd be using from now on, although he already knew it by heart.

"Excuse me, Sensei, may I come in?"

Takao looked up and was surprised to see Hyougo Kasai standing on the doorway, a look of embarrassment and insecurity drawn on his face. He sighed and put the player list back in his pocket. He had to clear this up right now. "Let's talk in private."

* * *

"I'm home." Midorima called as he got rid of his medical robe. It was a miracle he'd been let off so early considering how he'd bailed out of the ER in the middle of a crisis without even telling any of his supervisors. He would usually get annoyed at people unwillingly giving him special treatments because of his disability, but today he was definitely not going to complain.

"Welcome back,  _darling_." Takao replied playfully, getting up from the couch to greet his beloved.

"How did it go with the team?"

Takao's face brightened. "It was good! I think those kids have managed to become a very solid team in a very short time. If they keep improving at this rate, there's no telling how far they can go." He was feeling so satisfied seeing how far they had come and how strong they were compared to the boneless team he'd picked up less than two months ago. And the guys had noticed it too, he could tell. They were excited about the preliminaries next week, and their confidence level had multiplied by the thousands. It was almost a miracle.

"What about that kid? The one that picked on you." Midorima had had a hard time refraining from going to school in person and beat some sense into that boy that had inadvertently pushed all of Takao's buttons and turned him into an emotionally unstable mess with just a few words. Takao had persuaded him to stay put and promised he would deal with the problem himself. He'd said their heart-to-heart had been a wake-up call for him and he now felt strong enough to get some closure on this.

The Hawk Eye grinned sheepishly. "It went surprisingly smoothly. Hyougo-kun came to apologize out of his own initiative. Do you remember Kamito, the first year shooter you coached for a while? He's Hyougo's older brother and he apparently heard about what happened."

He had been genuinely surprised to hear this boy was the brother of one of his former teammates. Hyougo Kamito hadn't been a stellar player, but Shin-chan had taken him under his wing and by the time they graduated, Kamito had become strong enough to become a starting member of the team. The younger brother had bowed deeply in apologies, explaining how Kamito had told him the whole story about Shin-chan's accident.

" _My brother called me an idiot. He showed me the videos of the time Sensei captained Shuutoku to win the Winter Cup, and he said you were the one to bring the team back into shape and pushing yourself the hardest after Midorima-san had to retire."_

He'd had a flood of bad memories again. The time he'd first met Seirin after the accident and having to tell Kagami and Kuroko that Shin-chan wouldn't play the Winter Cup. How he'd had to hold back his tears in front of his team to keep them from falling apart. How many times he'd screwed up in practice, how many times he had unthinkingly made a pass that was meant for Shin-chan, that special pass that only the two of them could use, but Shin-chan could no longer stand in the court to catch it. How lonely it felt when the ball bounced off and away because no one was standing there to get it. How the instant of euphoria upon touching the Winter Cup trophy had vanished the moment he realized Shin-chan hadn't been on the court with him. He had hoped none of the other members of the team had noticed, but that had obviously not been the case.

" _I apologize. I spoke out of line without knowing the whole story. I will accept any punishment Sensei thinks appropriate."_

Takao had grinned. It was kind of amazing how everything seemed to magically fall into place now.  _"You love basketball, don't you? That's all I need to know."_

"I'm glad you worked it out."

"I know right? It almost seems like I was making a fuss out of nothing. And he's a natural leader, the team feels a lot more confident now that he's back at the top of his game. Practice was great today."

Midorima smiled. It soothed his heart to see Takao picking himself up so quickly, and how optimistic he had become about his new job. Barely three weeks ago he'd been bawling about the hopelessness of the team, and he now seemed confident they could get good results in the upcoming Inter High. It made him think that maybe this could turn out to be Takao's true calling, and he was happy to see his love find something he could be passionate about (beyond their relationship).

"By the way, I contacted the doctor Kuroko recommended. He gave us an appointment for next Friday at 7:00."

The young doctor swallowed hard, still having second thoughts about this particular topic. "Are you sure you'll be OK with this?"

After coming clean to each other yesterday, Takao had suggested they took couples counseling. " _If I had taken the doctor's advice back then and taken proper counseling, I wouldn't have made such a pitiful spectacle of myself earlier_." While Midorima had encouraged the idea to help both of them get closure, he was hesitant on bringing forth the topic of his nightmares. He felt speaking about them made them real, and the sole idea made him lose his breath.

"Don't even try to back out of it now, Shin-chan. We need this. You said it yourself, we're obviously not completely over what happened that day and we've been hurting ourselves because of it all these years and that has to stop. I can't possibly go to sleep if I'm worrying you'll wake up in the middle of the night because of one of those nightmares."

Midorima was crouched on the floor, having left the wheelchair at the genkan. Takao kneeled next to him and held both of the taller man's hands in his, stroking the fingers that were still taped three times a day and given the utmost care. The only difference was that now Shin-chan used them to save lives, and that made Takao's heart swell with pride and warmth.

"I'll be right there every step of the way. I've always been and I'll always be. I promised this before, didn't I? We'll be strong together. It's about damn time we leave this stupid guilt and fears behind us."

The green-haired man nodded, pressing his lips to Takao's hands. "You'll protect me from the nightmares and I'll beat that guilt out of you if I have to, right?"

Takao smiled and Midorima saw the ghost of guilt, that darkness that had always been lurking around in those clear eyes. But it was different now. There was the light of hope eating away the darkness, the hope for the future they would find together, and it washed all his doubts away.

"Kazunari, I love you."

Takao smiled. It would take time. It wouldn't be easy. There would still be some pain and nightmares. But they had each other and the warmth of their hands laced together, and as long as they had that they could be sure they would manage to keep going.

"I love you too, Shin-chan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand there's the ending. I think I've mentioned it before, but I always have a hard time finding a good closure after an emotional rollercoaster climax, sometimes I even wonder if I'm not making it repetitive. Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed this story. I don't really have much else to say, I really enjoy writing these two and I'm working in a handful of other stories for this pairing, including more for this series.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please leave comments, I wanna know what you thought about it o3o


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